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| "Life seems like a cup of glory held to my lips just now. But there must be some bitterness in it - there is in every cup. I shall taste mine some day. Well, I hope I shall be strong and brave to meet it." | | |
| "His delight is not in the strength of the horse,
Nor his pleasure in the speed of the runner;
But the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him,
In those who hope in his steadfast love." On days I don't feel strong or fast, or brave, or smart, hope is always a good idea. | | |
| Crazy days, exam papers that make me feel useless inadequate and undeserving, not being able to sleep, an ever-running nose and a phlegmy cough...things that make me almost curl up and cry, but I don't...because there is coffee, morning cereal, warm mugs of peppermint tea, because there are sisters who surprise me with marks and spencers chocolate digestives and give me long hugs, brothers who make me laugh, because there are encouraging texts waiting to be read whenever I open my whatsapp, there are darling girls to have long lunches with, because there are friends who cover me in prayer, because there are always reminders that God holds me in His hands, no matter how worthless I think I am...and because there is God. There is always God, and that makes all the difference. Last night I fell asleep to 'How He Loves Us' and thought that there will always be sad, difficult times in life, but it's impossible to truly be unhappy when you are built on Joy Himself. | | |
| "imperishable, undefiled, and unfading" | | |
| Exams are round the corner but I don't seem to be experiencing any of the expected pre-exam jitters or angst or frustration, which probably can be attributed to the fact that I'm not studying half as hard as I should be. Everyone's excitedly discussing holiday plans and although there is of course a part of me that can't wait for the summer holidays to roll around, I can't help but think that I could get used to this, these quiet days of morning mass and coffee, my books, long evening runs. A couple of months ago the thought of pros was almost too much to bear: I envisioned myself breaking down at the impossibility of the sheer amount of content I'd have to tackle. Now pros are in a week's time and though I'm not any much more prepared than I thought I'd be, I find myself strangely happy here. I am discovering that God has His ways of protecting my sanity and keeping the despair at bay. Today I came back from my run just before the storm began and sat down for a dinner with my family that lasted for more than an hour. Things always take longer when we are feasting not just on scrumptious homemade beef pies but a generous serving of love and snorts of laughter, 'don't talk with your mouth full!'s because there are so many things we want to say, and above all the feeling of perfect warmth and comfort that seems to characterize the time spent with my family. Really, memorizing every single metabolic pathway and recognizing all the cells in the histo slides seem like small tasks that are asked of me when I think of how much I have been blessed. Tomorrow will be even better than today; I will go for morning mass and thank God for being a God who makes it pretty damn hard to be miserable, no matter how hard life tries. | | |
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