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| The rain that was due at three this afternoon finally came in drips while I was having late dinner. I always imagine cold, drizzly nights to be misty nights simply because they're so much more storybook-like. And misty nights are somehow always lonely nights. And cold, drizzly, misty, lonely nights (not to mention tired nights, and dreading-having-to-wake-up-early-tomorrow nights) are depressing nights where I can't help but feel rather useless. Sarah's right, how many of the things that we do nowadays actually make us feel good about ourselves? I think every day's just a further confirmation that I am, crudely put, a failure at life. I hate being so helpless, I hate feeling needy and dependent on everyone else, but every time I try not to be something bad happens. How many times have I resolved to learn how to read maps, to stop getting lost, to take good care of my stuff (I've become increasingly careless this year), to refrain from asking stupid questions and basically to rely on myself?  Life is complicated. I wish it were that easy to just stay away from everything that makes me feel bad but that's just not possible. -HUGE SIGH-
Needs sleep, a feel-good book and a hug.
(Maybe I just imagined the rain, which makes this night...what?)
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| "Trapped between the urge to write a simply diary account of her day's experiences, and the ambition to make something greater of them that would be polished, self-contained and obscure, she sat for many minutes frowining at her sheet of paper and its infantile quotation and did not write another word. Actions she thought she could describe well enough, and she had the hang of dialogue. She could do the woods in winter, and the grimness of a castle wall. But how to do feelings? All very well to write, She felt sad, or describe what a sad person might do, but what of sadness itself, how was that put across so it could be felt in all its lowering immediacy? Even harder was the threat, or the confusion of feeling contradictory things."
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| You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day.
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Spent a lot of today walking around and now I'm sleepy. There's school tomorrow (but I must not moan) which means arising early. -Sneezes- My brain isn't working now. Hello. Huh. I don't like you you're not my friend. I think my sister should stop drying her hair now, so I can go to bed. -Complains- Goodnight friends.
Maybe it's true, that I can't live without you.
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| It's been a long and thinkish day and I'd dearly love to go to bed right now but unfortunately I'm suffering from the aftereffects of coffee. Coffee is almost as evil a sleepstealer as imagination (but at least coffee doesnt scare me). It'd be a much happier day if it were just to end now but it insists on lingering unpleasantly.
But I am hungry and it's twelve thirty and tomorrow I will have to pay the price of staying up for no reason.
This is just another random meaningless post; do words construct reality if they do perhaps its just a muddled world.
(I'll not let you.)
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